Nobody expects a Monty Python TechComm lesson.
Kai’s Tech Writing Blog features a wonderfully amusing and highly accurate post detailing a simple problem and providing a comical resolution.
Kai basically lays out five four occurrences that are common to technical communicators. Sometimes you 1) make a list, and then 2) number that list, and then 3) add or remove elements from that list, leaving you to 4) forget to update body copy references to the total number of list items. Kai’s inspiration for solving this potential issue?
Monty Python’s Spanish Inquisition sketch!
Click through to read Kai's article.
Cracked.com’s “7 Commonly Corrected Grammar Errors (That Aren’t Mistakes)”
If you’re not getting at least 10% of your professional continuing education from reading Cracked.com, then you’re not getting continually educated. Read their 7 Commonly Corrected Grammar Errors (That Aren’t Mistakes) and then tell me in the comments if you think I’m wrong.
This doesn't make my head explode.
Coulton and Hodgman: Tonight You Belong To Me
So much awesome 
Doctor Attribute Tag or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drop the Said
Mark Nichol’s post, Attribute Tags and Their Alternatives, over at DailyWritingTips struck a resounding chord with me. I used to struggle with attribute tags. I just could not stand writing He said and She said over and over again.
Mark makes a good point about switching up the word choice, and that worked fine for me…for a while. I needed some other tool, but could not think of what it would be. Then I read an article in an old back-issue of Writer’s Digest.
The gist of the article was this: Drop the repetition of the word said and replace it with action. It is so simple, and yet so brilliant. I started using this method to flesh out my speakers.
Example:
“There’s no sign of wreckage,” said the Constable. “Are you sure you saw a ship come aground here, Pete? Or did you just see the bottom of a bottle?”
“Thomas, now, you know full-well I ain’t touched spirits since you was knee-high to I-dunno-what,” said Old Pete.
“Well, still…” said the Constable.
Old Pete tugged at his whiskey- and tobacco-stained whiskers and narrowed his storm-gray eyes. “Well? Still? That all you got to say to me after all these years?”
“Listen, Pete, all I meant was…” The constable tried in vain to straighten his badge, but the pin would need to be undone first. He’d have to fix that before the news crew arrived.
In this exchange, I used three instances of said to determine the order of speakers. Then, I dropped the said and chose not to replace it. It would have been easy to just have Old Pete scowl his rebuttal, but I chose to impart some character info during the dialogue. Pete is old and weathered, possessing a forceful personality. (Perhaps his anger is like a storm brewing that you hope never breaks until you’ve found shelter.)
I showed the young Thomas cowing immediately under the threat of Old Pete’s ire. Also, I decided to throw in the fact that the constable is perhaps more concerned with appearances and his own celebrity than he is the law.
And so, there you have it: a simple, effective and creative (fun!) alternative to he said, she said, he said again dialogue.
Why Spider-Man Needs His Hyphen
It’s not exactly a grammar lesson, but it is still fairly important:
Technical Writing is Laid-Back? Really, Yahoo?
I’d Rather Be Writing has a great response (and image) to go with the report of Yahoo categorizing technical writing as the #1 laid-back career.
How laid-back am I? I'm not even working right now! Hahaha, suckers!
Supposedly, this revelation came to light according to CNN Money/PayScale, “who surveyed more than 40,000 American workers to compile a list of least stressful jobs.” I’m going out on a limb here and suggesting they didn’t speak to many technical writers in the group. I was probably EVERYONE ELSE voting tech writers as the most laid-back. (Back-handed compliment or professional jealousy at our ability to absorb stress to make us even stronger and more powerful?)
Granted, technical writing is not as stressful as my time in Army Intelligence, but I have found stress coming into play near the end of a project’s lifecycle, when I’m FINALLY brought into the fold to write all the Help, FAQs, some marketing blurbs, Quick Start Tutorials, maybe a voice-over script for a Flash demo, etc. Oh, and I first need to become a subject matter expert on the project. And I certainly do not have MONTHS to do all that!
This might be fun: Go on over to Yahoo’s 5 Low-Stress Career Options and see how you stack up against the mighty (relaxed) Technical Writer!
World Brother
The sun one day looked down at the lonely world and told the moon, Moon the world needs a big brother. Someone to defend it when other worlds bully it because it is small and wears ugly round glasses. Someone to teach it how to play the games other worlds play so that it will no longer be picked last for sides. Someone to provide a role model for it since I am its real father and I am ashamed of the way I turned out and the world need never know from whose fiery cosmic loins it leaped. Someone to love it since all my love burned away long ago when life still flourished upon Mars.
The moon looked down at the world and nodded its assent and told the sun, Sun I will be the world’s big brother. Was it not I who wrestled with the world long ago when you were young and shared my elements with it and taught it not to fear your warmth? Was it not I who pulled its waters over its head repeatedly to teach it to swim in the very stuff of life? Was it not I who solemnly inspired the world to dream of leaving its bounds and explore me with painful footprints I solemnly endured while you watched?
So you see Sun said the moon I am already its brother and always have been even more since you heed not the world’s needs. We no longer need you and your lies.
The sun shone down fiercely upon the world and screamed at the moon, Moon you have overstepped your bounds and I will destroy your little brother. I will destroy my only true son.
At that the moon called to its brothers the asteroids and comets and they showered themselves upon the sun in a rain of cosmic agony until the sun’s rays let up and night fell upon the world.
You have many brothers Moon said the sun and I cannot defeat you all. You have won my son as your brother. I hope you will love it as I have always wanted but have never been able to.
Sun said the moon I will love the world and make it like unto myself and my brothers the asteroids and comets and we will all outlive you by a very long time indeed.
B & O
His casket was a silver locomotive
A shining gleaming streak
that jumped the tracks
Brass wings folded along its length
Allowed me to lift it aright
to set it upon the rails of the Earth
In memory of my grandfather, H.R. Drew, Sr.
Scot Drew
I am a former soldier (US Army Intelligence) working as a freelance writer specializing in marketing copy writing and technical writing/editing.
